Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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