I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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