life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
