drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
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Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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