i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
