she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize