the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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