What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
