you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
