just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
