ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
