Barsexuality is the new black.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
