There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
