i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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