five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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