and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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