the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
