There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
