If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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