BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
