He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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