69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
