Having a random hookup so left but love u
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
