My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She bit a glass in half.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
