It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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