My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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