Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
