What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
