i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
