I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
