belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
