you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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