i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
