Welp...herpes.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
