Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dicks are not precious.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
