how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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