I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
