chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Vodka?
Forever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
