he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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