I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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