she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
