Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
