these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
