DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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