So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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