she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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