I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
