Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
