Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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