Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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