i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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