Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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