i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
