Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
