Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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