Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
