Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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