4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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