I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
