it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
