you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
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I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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