My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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