i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
