theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
