I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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