weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
