We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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