why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
