I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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