mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
