I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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