dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
