Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
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